


His Found Queen

by HowAboutThatSnapback



Category: The Greatest Showman (2017)
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Reference Past Rape/Non-con, Male-Female Friendship, Sibling Love, both were comforted, both were hurt, honest to god love their relationship, i couldn't not write this, just at different times, nothing graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:01:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24832771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HowAboutThatSnapback/pseuds/HowAboutThatSnapback
Summary: Lettie is truly queen of the circus and P.T. doesn't let anyone forget it. Especially himself.
Relationships: P. T. Barnum & Lettie Lutz
Comments: 1
Kudos: 24





	His Found Queen

Lettie stares down the new stagehand with her hands on her hips. She's not one to come bearing down on someone unnecessarily and this is no exception.

"Mr. Barrow. Care to explain what just happened?"

The young, arrogant man scoffs at her. "Nothin' out of the ordinary."

Lettie can still hear Selene and Samantha comforting Ruth as they walk away and sees them sending glares back to Barrow occasionally as they exit the tent. The man ought to be glad looks can't kill because otherwise they'd be cleaning up his corpse. Come to think of it, he probably wouldn't have lived long enough to work at the circus if that were the case.

"I'm going to repeat myself one more time," she says, teeth grit to hold back her temper. "What happened?"

He scowls at her. "I just told the truth. She ought to have tough skin bein' a freak all her life. Reminds me, have you thought of shaving?"

She tries not to let the words she's heard over and over throughout her life get to her, but it hurts regardless. The only way to combat it is to either back down or buck up and she stopped backing down years ago.

Before she can fire back at him a familiar voice catches their attention.

"What seems to be the problem here?" Phineas demands, stopping at Lettie's side and looking between them with the expectation of an explanation.

"He's houndin' me for tellin' the truth," Barrow says, gesturing to Lettie.

Lettie's jaw clenches almost painfully at the added insult and she looks away so he won't see the tears forming in her eyes. She vowed to never let anyone she didn't trust see her tears and Barrow has earned nothing but contempt from her.

"I'd watch your tone young man," Phineas warns in a low voice, stepping forward to impose his height on the shorter man, "and address Ms. Lutz with respect."

She blinks rapidly to clear her eyes and glances up to find Phineas' face cold, something she's seen only a handful of times. His jaw is set and he looks ready for a fistfight to break out between them at any moment.

Barrow's jaw flexes and he looks away from the ringmaster and decides his shoes are more interesting.

"'m sorry Ms. Lutz," he mutters.

She opens her mouth to accept but Phineas shakes his head minutely for her to not say anything and she decides- this time- to do as he asks.

"If you're not gonna mean it," Phineas says slowly, "then leave."

Barrow's eyes snap up to stare at the ringmaster in wide-eyed disbelief. "But-"

"This circus isn't here for you to just make a quick buck. Each and every individual in here is a person with feelings. If you can't respect everyone that performs and works under this tent, then get. out."

"Why are you sticking up for them?!"

Lettie steps forward and pushes the boy back with strength that seems to surprise him. "You heard Mr. Barnum. If you don't leave on your own, _I'll_ be the one escorting you out."

Barrow looks ready to argue but Phineas once again cuts someone off before they can speak- Lettie's just glad it's not _her_ this time.

"You heard the lady. I won't hold her back if she gets rough with you."

Barrow's nose wrinkles with disgust and he marches out of the tent. "I don't need you freaks!"

"We didn't need you to begin with!" Constantine roars from somewhere outside the tent, earning a round of laughter from the other performers.

Lettie smiles with pride at hearing the quick comeback from one who came in at the tail end of the conversation. Constantine has always been quick with those, however he's normally there the entire time to know the whole story to know if he should. Considering the tension that's been around since Barrow found his way to the cirque, he doesn't need it.

"Good riddance," Phineas mutters as he turns and then pauses at Letti's scowl. "What?"

"You couldn't let me handle that on my own?" Lettie demands, hands back on her hips as she glares up at the man.

He- at least- has the decency to look bashful. "I apologize. I know you can handle yourself..."

Her eyebrows raise expectantly when he doesn't continue. "But?"

He taps his thigh with each finger twice and takes a breath to speak, but seems to think better of it. It's a habit she's noticed he has whenever he is unsure if he should say what's on his mind or not.

A sigh as she closes her eyes. "Phin-"

He finally settles on, "I'm a bit... protective."

Her eyes snap open and she observes his face. He looks resigned with his shoulders slumped and his quietly tired and expectant- of what she couldn't say. She doesn't know what she expected, but... this isn't it.

"Protective? What have I ever done that makes you think I need protecting?"

He gapes for a moment before closing his mouth and letting out a quiet breath through his nostrils. He shakes his head lightly and stares at her like she hung the stars in the sky. With the same wonder-struck gaze he gave her when he first saw her in the laundry mat. She vaguely wonders if he looks at her like that when she isn't looking, when she's belting out notes on stage and focused on the audience.

"Lettie... you are... you are so strong and beautiful and your heart is so big it can fit an egotistical bastard like myself after all I've put you through," he finally answers. He shakes his head and lets out a quiet laugh. His tone of awe turns to that of shame. "Lettie, you are the very heart and soul of this circus. If anything were to happen to you..." He swallows thickly and closes to compose himself. A lone tear slips out at whatever thoughts are running through his overactive mind. "I wouldn't be able to live with myself."

 _I still can't live with myself_ goes unspoken.

She can't bring herself to be upset with him with his heart in the right place.

She steps forward and takes his face between her hands, thumb wiping away the tear that escaped. He's trembling lightly, lip quivering as he stares down at her, seeing something she can't. Memories that he's ashamed of, she's sure. Seeing him so emotional, so scared and so full of regret breaks her heart more than watching the building they made their home burn down.

"Phin," she whispers, voice wavering with emotion, "Are you still thinking about Mayfield?"

He stiffens at the name and his eyes flicker through so many emotions she can't keep up, but she knows it's confirmation.

"You shouldn't."

His bottom lip trembles and he looks down at their feet, trying to keep his composure. To save face in front of the others roaming around the tent.

Determined to get her point across, she takes his hand and half-drags him to his and Phillip's office.

Phillip looks up from his desk in surprise. "Lettie? What-"

"Out, kid. Grown-up talk," she says shortly.

His sharp blue eyes take in how Phineas won't look up and Lettie's unwavering gaze. He nods quickly, shoving paperwork into a neat pile and escaping as quickly as possible.

"I'll do this later. Enjoy your talk," he calls awkwardly, closing the door after himself and audibly fleeing away from the office.

When the footsteps are far away she turns her attention to Phineas who hasn't moved since he stepped aside to let Phillip out. Not a muscle.

"Phin-"

"I can't," he whispers harshly, voice quivering as he steps away from her outstretched hands. His eyes are shut tight and he's turned his body away from her. "I can't alright?"

"You can't _what?_ Talk about it? Forgive yourself?" With each question she takes a step closer.

He doesn't say anything.

"It's over. I'm here despite what I went through," she tries to assure as she touches his chin.

"You shouldn't have had to go through it in the first place!" he roars, startling her so much she steps back. He opens his eyes and there are tears in them but whether it's from anger or sorrow or regret she may never know. He lets out and takes in a shaky breath. "Lettie... you're too good... for any of those- _things_ to have ever happened to you. You didn't deserve any.. any of it."

"What a person deserves and what happens isn't always going to line up," she insists with a slow shake of her head. "Life isn't fair."

"I know... but it should be." He steps forward and takes her face in his hands, fingers carefully tangled in her thick, curly beard. "Lettie, you're a queen. You're one of the best people I've ever met. Lesser men have broken under less than what you've been able to carry with- with... w-with _dignity_. And I failed you..."

His hands drop as if he feels unworthy to touch the hair on her chin and he's stepping back. He doesn't stop until his back makes contact with the wall so he's as far as physically possible without leaving the room entirely. Considering she was in the way of the door, she figures he was smart enough to know she wouldn't let him leave to begin with.

Brief memories of a walk home from the tavern fill her mind. The fear and pain and shame and _helplessness_ she felt when she was dragged into an alley to have her beard yanked at and hands pinned. She pushes those thoughts away and focuses on the present where the man that saved her is suffering from self-blame and guilt over something he couldn't control.

Determined to set him right, she steps forward and takes his face in her hands despite his light flinch. "Phin look at me."

He shakes his head lightly.

" _Look at me._ "

His eyes open slowly and his whiskey eyes lock onto her chocolate ones. Despite his trembling, his gaze is steady and that's all she can ask of him. All she will ask of him.

"I _never_ blamed you."

A quiet sob leaves him as he closes his eyes again and lowers his chin to his chest. As if the fight leaves his body, he slides down to the ground as he cries unabashedly before her. She sinks with him and wipes at his tears with her thumbs.

"How? I left you..." His voice is weak and confused.

"As did the rest of the group because we were all too drunk to pay attention to anything, but do you think they should have any blame?" Lettie insists.

He shakes his head.

"Then why do you have to shoulder the blame?"

He lifts his hand as if to caress her face, but pulls away and lets it fall into his lap as if he feels unworthy to do so. "I promised to take care of you..."

"And you have," she insists. " _You_ were the one to notice I wasn't with the group. _You_ came back and saved me. _You_ helped me pick up the pieces."

He opens his mouth to protest, but it's her turn to cut him off.

"Don't think I didn't notice you talking to some of the women before they came to help me with words they wouldn't have thought of themselves," she scolds. "I may not have been... all there, but I noticed that."

For months he didn't make the casual contact he normally did after the first time Lettie flinched away. He avoided her not just from guilt, but because he felt she didn't need to be around men at the time. He sent the gentlemen of the circus off to do tasks away from her when she got uncomfortable and left himself, he asked the ladies that frequented her company how she was constantly and gave them advice if they couldn't figure out what to say. He cared for her at a distance and only came forward when she asked for it. Even now he sometimes withholds his casual touch that he once gave so freely.

"You've taken care of me since day one. Even if you went off on tour out of the blue," she teases, trying to coax a smile out of him.

He doesn't. In fact, he looks more guilty than before.

She sighs quietly. "You're not making this easy..."

"I'm not..." He swallows thickly and looks away from her. "I'm not worth it..."

Lettie shakes his head lightly, causing him to look up in alarm. "Don't you ever say that. _Ever._ You're worth everything to me. You built this circus and gave me a family. My own mother..." She would not cry. She wouldn't break down. "My own _mother_ couldn't... couldn't stand the sight of me. And when you look at me? You look at me like I'm the most wonderful thing you've laid eyes on. You look at me the way I wished _anyone_ would look at me. You look at me and see _me_ and not... not what's on the outside."

She feels tears streaming down her cheeks but she doesn't care. He has to understand what he means to her. He has to understand he has nothing to feel guilty over because everything he's done for her outweighs the bad that happened in his absence.

Phineas slowly lifts his hand to caress her cheek and wipes at the tears. He looks at her- at _her_ \- and shakes his head softly. "You are... you are so wonderful and talented and beautiful inside and out. I'd give you the world if I could."

"You already have. This circus. The people in it... they _are_ the world...my world." His smile turns sad, but she doesn't give him the chance to go down _that_ rabbit hole. "And you're apart of my world. I wouldn't be happy if you weren't in it."

His bottom lip trembles, but this time he smiles up at her. "What did I ever do to deserve you?"

She shakes her head lightly. "You found me."

In so many ways than one. He found her in the laundry mat hidden in the back and brought her to the light. He found her in the alley when she was being attacked. He found her in a slump and did everything he could to drag her out. He found her and gave her a life she never thought could be real. He found her and looked past her outward appearance and saw her and that's all that matters. It's all that's ever mattered to her.

He grins in a way that lights up the room and holds her face with both hands, wiping the remains of tears from her cheeks. "Thank you. For everything."

She smiles back, heart aching in the best of ways. "Let's get you cleaned up before they think I roughed you up, huh?"

He laughs, leaning forward so his hair brushes her shoulder.

Lettie takes this opportunity to bring him into a warm hug that he returns in fierce gratefulness. She holds him until he's stopped trembling with relief and then some, rubbing his back and rocking him gently.

As they pull away from their embrace Lettie settles him with a fierce look.

"What?"

"Never blame yourself for that ever again," she orders.

He smiles softly and wipes at her cheeks once more. "Yes, my queen."

**Author's Note:**

> I had a LOT of thoughts about P.T. and Lettie's relationship and I just couldn't not write something for it. Wrote it all in one sitting.
> 
> To be honest this was not supposed to go the way it did. I was just gonna have Lettie bossing- er- DIRECTING people and people complaining while P.T. just gives them a "what do you expect?" look and tell them to listen to her. She's queen, she's circus mom. Her words have as much weight as his... but then he kept interrupting her and it just took off from there, writing itself. I love it when a story does that.


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